How to Tour in a Band or Whatever
by Thor Harris
1-Don’t Complain. Bitching, moaning, whining is tour cancer. If something is wrong fix it or shut the fuck up you fucking dick. goddamn.
2-If you fart, claim it.
3-Don’t Lose shit. Everybody loses shit. Don’t fucking do it. Asshole.
4-Don’t fuck anyone in the band. There are tons of people to fuck who are not in this band. Dumbass.
5-If you feel like shit all the time, drink less beer at the gig. You will play better & feel better. What are you… a child? Some have the endurance for self abuse. Most don’t.
6-Remember the soundman’s name. He will do a better job.
7- Eat oranges. Cures constipation & prevents colds.
8-Masturbate. Duh… Where & when? Be creative. You’re an artist right?
9-If YOU can’t carry your suitcase 3 blocks, it’s too goddamn big.
10-Respect public space in the van. Don’t clutter, you Fuck.
11-If you borrow something, return it. Not Fucked Up.
12-Do not let the promoter dick you or talk you out of the guarantee. If there were not enuf people there, it’s their fault.
13- Driver picks the music.
14-One navigator only (usually sitting shotgun). Everyone else shut the fuck up.
15-Soundcheck is for checking sounds. Shut the fuck up while everyone else is checking.
16-Don’t wander off. Let someone know where you are.
17-Clean up after yourself. What are you… a goddamn toddler?
18-Touring makes everyone bi-polar. Ride the waves as best you can and remember, moods pass. So don’t make any snap decisions or declarations when you are drunk or insane.
19-Fast food is Poison.
20-The guestlist is for friends, family & people you might want to fuck. Everyone else can pay. They have day jobs.
21- Don’t evaluate your whole life while you’re sitting in a janitor closet waiting to go on. You think you’re above having shitty days at work? Shut up & do your goddamn job.
This list was written under the influence of lots of esspresso & anti-depressants while on tour w/ such greats as Shearwater, Swans, Smog, Lisa Germano, Angels of Light, Bill Callahan & many more. I hope this list will help you get along w/ your co-workers whatever your job is. Contributions to the list by Jordan Geiger, Kimberly Burke, Brian Orloff, Brian Phillips Celebrity Gang Bang, Kevin Schneider, Jonathan Meiburg, Michael Gira and some other folks.
Thanks for not being an asshole, Thor Harris
“Hey guys, whatcha doing?”
The fact that Austin was arrested for basically standing up for Katelyn Norman made me gain A LOT more respect for him. Katelyn was a fan of his who passed away a few days ago from bone cancer. He even had her name tattooed under his knee. He cared about her SO much. I’ll definitely be a fan of this man forever. I don’t know why he’s getting so much hate for this. Why are people calling him so many names? He doesn’t deserve this. Austin has been going through SO much lately with the loss of a fan. It’s honestly so heartbreaking to him and so many more people. He was arrested for assault on Saturday because some douche bag guys decided to talk bad about Katelyn to his face. Austin wasn’t even the first to start throwing the punches. He was defending himself and a fan that he loved and admired. It’s fucking pathetic that the other guys got away with it and Austin ended up in jail for 3 days. And it’s pathetic that he’s losing ‘fans’ over this. This is when the real fans come out. No matter what I’ll always love and admire Austin so much. What he did wasn’t even that bad. Like I said, he was defending himself and Katelyn. God bless this man. He’s a human. And humans fucking make mistakes. So all you haters get the fuck over it and grow the fuck up.
fuck yes thank you for this. Bless this.
If this is true, then I am extremely surprised, BUT I definitely have a new found respect for him. I know people aren’t perfect, but I definitely would have done what he did.
asdfghjk Imagine you could obtain dwarf hippos which stayed this small forever n____________n’
Oh wow. This is possibly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
Some days I just wish I could just disintegrate and never have to be here.
Cody and Me. We rule. Obviously.
I have to reblog this, as I miss Cody ;(
Shameless self promotion lol Check out my band Aethere! Here’s a video of me playing our song “Oblivion” live!
Josh Slater is the worst thing to ever happen to the Internet.